When the house of cards come crumbling down

I’m not much of a stock market expert, but when 1 major multinational bank files for bankruptcy, one had to be bought out to maintain itself, and a few others on the brink of insolvency as well, you kinda know things cannot be looking good business wise. Though these are foreign banks, I hear GSIS and SSS, as well as some other private banks invested heavily in these now closed firms, meaning they would be suffering some problems from that as well. Peso falls to 47 to the dollar. From what analysts say this could be the beginning of the next great depression. 

All these things made me realize how fast fortunes change in this world. Money comes and goes. One day you can be a millionaire, the next you’re bankrupt. I guess having a lot of money isn’t an assurance of a good life nowadays. Like my dad always tells us – money comes and goes, and sometimes hard work won’t get you as far as it did back in the day. The most important thing you could get for yourself is education.

My dad used to tell me stories of how they grew up, how some of their more wealthy friends who used to be able to buy anything they wanted are now reaching out to us to get by. How some of my uncles used to be richer, or had a bigger business than my dad’s, but now they’re heavy in debt and my dad’s store is still there. Similarly, my dad’s best friend, who had next to nothing back in the day, is now living in forbes park. Imagine, my dad helped him finish law school, and even financed his wedding…now we’re the ones who receive the help… 

The times have changed. It used to be if you worked like a cow, or if you just kept at something, eventually it pays off. Nowadays money and hardwork can only get you so far. The new battleground seems to be how much you know, and how creative you can get to keep afloat.

Preludes

Perhaps I really don’t know what I want for my life afterall. 

All these years, and I still find myself looking, trying to find that ‘thing’ that makes me go, 

“This is it, this is what I want for my life.”

I remember during my last year in high school, all I wanted to do was to get the hell out of there. I suppose 13 years of repression can do that to you – same school, same friends, same teachers, same routine. Life in routine, a perfect, precise, routine. No room to wiggle through, no room for imagination to breathe. I was certain that this was not how I wanted to live, that I belonged with artists and live the bohemian life. I was so certain that all I wanted to do in life was draw. Live on drawings, not care what tomorrow brings. All we need is love, afterall. I really thought things would work out in the end. 

To be fair, I did revel in my new found freedom – I could finally get a piercing, I could finally grow my hair long, I could finally just do what I thought I was born to do. The intoxicating visions of the future made me think this was going to be who I am. With a clean slate, things could only get better, and when I’m done, I’d have made something of myself. 

It’s been four years since I’ve dreamt those dreams. 

Now I’ve found myself as jaded as my last year in high school. Again, the feelings of restraint was tightening in my heart. I really can’t explain why – I know that I would like nothing more than to be known as an artist, but after looking at what the times regard as artists…I’m left disappointed and stuggling to figure out what made me love to create in the first place. 

Money. All about the effin goddamn money! Out of all the professors that I was under, only a handful seemed to even share my passion for creating just for the fun and thrill of it. “3D is the way of the future because it pays high at foreign companies”, “If you master this class you’ll be able to get a high paying job”. Always follow the client so you’ll be able to charge more in the future. Build connnections so you won’t go jobless. Be a contortionist and follow everything clients tell you. Whether they think lowly of you and pay you next to nothing, be PROFESSIONAL. This wasn’t what I had in mind at all. What I wanted to hear was people telling me to experiment, to find myself in my work. INstead they tell me to conform, to suck up and to go with the flow.

UGH!

If I realised that I traded a prison cell for another one I’d have chosen some other course…

Then again there were some bright moments in my stay, and wonderful people that made up for all that, so I can say that it was still a great experience.

But I had to run away from the lifestyle. Because feigning interest just to get connections wasn’t me. Because doing websites all my life wasn’t my ideal life. Because I still believe art should still be done without thought about money. 

So here I am again at the start.

Fresh slate.

New Beginning.  

And so far I think I’m liking it. No more doing art because I need to please someone. My art is my own once more. I have my expression all to myself.

There was a time Michael Jordan – the greatest basketball player in the world, left the game that made him famous, and became a minor league baseball player. I never understood why anyone would do that at the peak of their career, be a mediocre player when he could just easily dominate in basketball, but now it makes sense. Life afterall isn’t just about the money, fame, or fortune….It’s being able to live with yourself with the decisions you make. Maybe this is the time where I turn my back from the ‘art’ world. Find out who I really am. Find the reason why I loved it in the first place. Sometimes, doing something else helps us realise that. 

I really don’t have any expectations with this new road. What ever happens, happens. I’ve been a hermit the last 4 months I’ve entered law school, but I’ve pretty much gotten used to it. Haven’t talked to most of my college friends either, but right now it doesn’t seem right yet, I might just get dragged back into my old life if I let them back in too soon. For now I’m content to reconnect with my family, which offsets all the neglect I’ve done the past 4 years. I realise I’ve been out of the loop for quite awhile, at least I’m making up for lost time.

Onwards and upwards I guess. 

Here’s to old endings and new beginnings.

Hello world!

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!